Speaking in Tongues?

What do you make of this?

1. We went to lunch with a couple of older Christians who have been through a lot of had a lot of wisdom to share. In the context of another conversation they unexpectedly shared with us a story of hearing someone speak in tongues and being given the gift of interpretation. The gift of tongues as a private prayer language was also mentioned.
2. Three days later, my husband was reunited with a childhood friend who came to faith in Christ since they last met. As he gave his testimony, the friend shared that he has the gift of speaking in tongues as a private prayer language.

The fact that both conversationsoccured so close together and from completely unrelated sources give me pause. I think God might be saying something to my husband , to me or to us both.

I've personally never witnessed anyone speaking in tongues, but my husband has, and when he did someone with the gift of interpretation was also present and translated.

What are your thoughts about and experiences with this gift of the spirit?

Emotional Creatures

Last night at Bible study, an array of black and white photos were spread across the table and counter of the kitchen we meet in. We were instructed to peruse the images and then pick one or two that grabbed us. The next step was to quiet ourselves and ask God to speak to us through the images.

I selected two photographs. One was an interesting shot down a tunnel of barbed wire. The second was a striking image of a young boy comforting an old woman, the smooth newness of his skin contrasting with her wrinkles even as the peace on his face contrasted with her sorrow.

What struck me most about the barbed wire image was not the danger posed by the barbs, but the safe protected space within. The first thing that came to mind was that as I journey through trials, the only way safely through the barbs that surround me is in the center with God. "Remain in my love," echoed through my heart.

The second image spoke to me of generational blessings, a precious legacy of reciprocal comfort and compassion between parents and children, grandparents and grandchildren. "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted," was the verse that came to mind.

This morning though, another perspective on the barbed wire image has emerged. What if I missed the point? What if the barbed wire image illustrated one way (my typical way) of dealing with trials/emotions -- isolated, controlled, with a wall of defenses -- while the second image represents an invitation to continue to learn a new way to deal with strong emotions -- by truly mourning so that I may accept and give comfort?

I've spent too much time afraid of big feelings and strong emotions. Of letting tears come, of acknowledging anger, even of getting too giddy with joy.

Lord, please show me what sorrows I am leaving unmourned, what joys unrejoiced, what injustices without proper indignation. You wept, you laughed, you drove the moneychangers out of the temple and railed against the hypocrites. I want to be as fully human as you and in turn teach and model for my children how to accept themselves as the emotional creatures you made us to be.

In one of those God things, I followed a rabbit trail of blog posts this morning and came across this very apropos January 2009 post on the Graceful Parenting blog

An Alternative View of Babyproofing

I came across this blog post on applying the Montessori principle of a Prepared Environment at home. Food for thought.

Wise Words on Tantrums

I really appreciate this post about dealing with tantrums on the Dulce Family Blog.

Long Article on Christian Parenting Mistakes

Can the proper approach to parenting guarantee godly kids and prevent rebellion or significant struggles with sin in our children's lives?

Reb Bradley of Family Ministries discovered the answer is more negative than he hoped and reflects on things he might have done differently with his adult children in this article.

It is VERY long, so allow me to summarize the key point of each of the mistakes he lists:

1. Self-centered dreams (hopes for the children's and family's future that become a validation of us as parents or our source of significance)
2. Family as an idol (preoccupation with results and seeking security and sense of wellbeing from our success as parents rather than from God)
3. Emphasis on outward form (mistaking looking moral on the outside for having God's values on the inside ... I love his example of going to the grocery store to buy apples to tie on to your tree rather than letting them grow naturally with careful cultivation)
4. Tendency to judge (condescending and belittling those who don't hold our subjective standards and consequent defensiveness because of imagined judgment from others, resulting in kids who are judgmental, feel condemned and are turned off to God because of our legalism)
5. Over-dependence on authority and control (intimidating children into subjection rather than winning their hearts into submission, )
6. Over-reliance on sheltering (being more concerned with keeping out the bad than putting in the good, which may teach kids that Christianity is a religion of don'ts rather than a relationship with the living God, and failure to face temptations alongside our children so we can coach them through it and equip them to face it on their own eventually, not with the goal of merely surviving the world but of reaching the lost)
7. Formulaic parenting breaks down relationship (reliance on a formula or on performing the right steps rather than entering into the messiness of love, grace and dependence on God, which objectifies children, damages the depth of our relationship, loses their hearts and ability to be influenced and leaves only the ability to control the outside for a time)

Let me close with these powerful direct quotes from the article:

If we want to influence our children's hearts and not just their behavior, it will happen because of who we are, not what we do. We cannot simply implement loving actions in our homes -- we must truly love (1 Cor 13:3). We cannot merely recite Scripture to our families -- we must be those who look to the Word because it points to our wonderful Savior (John 5:39). And we especially cannot treat a spiritual activity such as prayer as a "discipline" or "principle" -- it must be a natural response of dearly beloved children of God pouring their hearts out to their Father in Heaven.

and

The best thing we can do to break away from a formulaic mentality and become a person of influence is to really grasp the grace of the gospel and live it out in our homes. For our children to see the beauty of the Savior in us we will need to find his beauty first. If we are not yet smitten with him, why do we think our children will be? We need to get to know the real Jesus.

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen ... Ch. 1. Pt. 1

The authors of "How to Talk So Kids Will Lsten & Listen So Kids Will Talk" suggest doing the exercises that they have helpfully provided to aid in truly digesting and learning the material. I thought I might blog my way through some of it.

Faber and Mazlish list eight possible responses one could give whenever someone else shares with you something they are upset about.

1. Denial of feelings ("It's not that bad." "You're overreacting." )
2. Philosophize ("These things happen." "The world's not perfect.")
3. Advice ("Here's what you need to do.")
4. Interrogation ("Why didn't you..." "How come you...")
5. Defense of the Other Person/Opposing View
6. Pity ("Oh, poor thing!")
7. Amateur Psychoanalysis ("The REAL reason you are so upset is...")
8. Empathy ("Boy, that sounds rough. It must have been hard to take." Or for toddlers: "That makes you MAD, MAD, MAD!")

As I've grown an matured as a person and a parent, I have recognized a need to avoid strategy #1.

But as I read through the sample responses, I began to see that I often use strategies two through five. And, while those things may have their place in a follow-up conversation, an initial response of empathy serves to calm your conversational partner down enough that they can engage in a useful conversation or think the situation through themselves.

As I tried to craft empathic responses to some of Faber and Mazlish's sample statements, I found that it doesn't come all that naturally. They helpfully provide four tips for empathic listening/responding:

1. Listen with full attention (not with one ear cocked for the tv, for example)
2. Acknowledge them and encourage them to keep talking with short responses ("Hmmm." "Oh." "I see.")
3. Give the feelings a name. ("Sounds like you were angry.")
4. Give them their wishes in fantasy. ("I wish I had a magic wand to make that happen.")

Said with a sincere attitude of compassion and caring, these strategies used in combination or singly can help smooth communication between kids and adults and make the kids feel heard and understood.

As parents, we can also be the emotional coach for our kids, teaching them how to cope well with the big feelings which can be so often overwhelming to them.

Reading Reflections: Ragamuffin Gospel -- Chapter One (Part 2)

Manning goes on to reflect on how grace abounds, and the ability to believe, hope, love are all simply gifts, not

... rewards for our faithfulness, our generous disposition, or our heroic life of prayer.

It cannot be said enough or too much that we cannot and do not earn favor with God. We are like babies or little children who are completely helpless.

Grace is received through faith, but what is faith? Manning reminds us that it is more than simple belief in God's existence. It is rather a trust IN God, a matter of the heart.

Here is a summary of other key themes:

We are fully accepted, even and especially our failings.

A position of judgment and self-righteousness and denial of our own sin keeps us from the joyous awareness of forgiveness.

Following Christ is a process of sanctification. I am now a saint, but not yet made perfect. Real Christians can and do get "battered and briused by loneliness and failure" and real Christians do get "discouraged, uncertain, guilt-ridden."

Living as an integrated self with simple trust in and celebration of God's forgiveness for my failings is a message that God is reminding me of not only through this book, but from multiple sources.

For example, this morning's message at Pathways Church contained a warning against "hyperspirituality" or "self-help" approach to life with God that turns the Christian life into a seeking after a series of spiritual experiences or products that purports to give us step-by-step contained approaches to try to force and mimic what only God can do in his timing in an organic, whole-life way that seems rather messy by comparison.

In the Casa Teresa bible study we are about to begin the "Life's Healing Choices" small group study. I sat down today and started to read the companion magazine and found an article by Kay Warren with this powerful quote:

Some of you are living as cardboard cutouts of yourself, afraid to face reality and reveal the truth. Everyone around you knows that truth: you're a sinner who needs grace and forgiveness. You might as well come into the light of God's presence; nothing you've ever thought, said or done is hidden from him. He's known the truth about you from the very beginning, and it hasn't stopped him from dearly loving you. Once you know it, you, too, will experience peace and the freedom to give your real self to those you love.

Reading Reflections: Ragamuffin Gospel -- Chapter One (Part 1)

I received one of my books in the mail. Hooray! I'm starting to wonder where the others are ... but that's not the point of this post.

Today, I'd like to share some nuggets from Chapter One of Ragamuffin, titled "Something is Radically Wrong" and respond to them.

Put bluntly: the American Church today accepts grace in theory but denies it in practice ... Too many Christians are living in the house of fear and not in the house of love.

When I was in college I wrote a short story involving a statue of hands with keys dangling keys of salvation tauntingly just out of reach of grasping desperate fingers in an effort to express this very sense of "Something is Radically Wrong." I was one of those living in the house of fear, who heard about grace my whole life but didn't see it lived out or feel it in my soul. The underlying message of many sermons seemed to me to be, "By grace you have been saved ... now hurry up and get holy enough to deserve it."

As Manning goes on to say,

... "do-it-yourself" spirituality is the American fashion ... Though lip service is paid to the gospel of grace, many Christians live as it if its only personal discipline and self-denial that will mold the pefect me. The emphasis is on what I do rather than on what God is doing. In this curious process God is a benign old spectator in the bleachers who cheers when I show up for morning quiet time.

Fully accepting grace as truly God's unmerited favor that we didn't earn in the first place and can't possibly work hard enough to keep is absolutely freeing. Yet how many of us are still a little afraid of grace, afraid that if we emphasize it too much that we are offering others and ourselves a license to sin? We ask with Paul's rhetorical questioners, "What shall we say then, shall we go on sinning that grace may increase?" Too, who wants to admit that they are utterly broken, utterly helpless, utterly in need of a Savior? But that is the only way to true freedom. Blessed are the poor in spirit (those who acknowledge their spiritual poverty).

I love this passage of Manning's:

When I get honest, I admit I am a bundle of paradoxes.

I believe and I doubt,
I hope and get discouraged,
I love and I hate,
I feel bad about feeling good,
I feel guilty about not feeling guilty.
I am trusting and suspicious.
I am honest and I still play games

...

To live by grace means to acknowledge my whole life story, the light side and the dark. In admiting my shadow side I learn who I am and what God's grace means. As Thomas Merton put it, "A saint is not someone who is good but who experiences the goodness of God."

Mr. Postman ...

On Halloween I ordered four books on eBay. I am so anxious to receive them so I can read them, digest, apply and most likely share the best of what I've learned here.

The four books are:

• The Ragamuffin Gospel: Good News for the Bedraggled, Beat-Up and Burnt-Out by Brennan Manning
• Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel
• Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline by Rebecca Anne Bailey
• How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

Please Mr. Postman, deliver my books ASAP!