Flashback: A Blog I Wrote in October 2008

I wrote the following post on MySpace in October 2008 after one day of trying to follow advice from baby trainers who advocate putting a baby down drowsy so they will learn to fall asleep without you.  I felt so disconnected from my wee girl that I knew it wasn't right for us and gave up in less than 24 hours. 

Thoughts on Mothering & Finding a Style that Works for Us



Well, C is already four weeks old today. There's so much I could say and write about being a new mom, but I'm spending so much time caring for and enjoying C that not much time is left to digest and describe our process of getting to know one another.

I love being a mom. I love having my daughter look up at me with slightly crossed eyes as she tries to focus on my face. I love the closeness of nursing and knowing that I can give her exactly the nourishment and comfort she needs with parts of my body so marvelously designed by God for exactly that purpose. As frustrating as it is to have her fuss and cry, especially during the times when she is seemingly unable to fall asleep, I do love the aha moment when I find something that works to settle her down.

White noise works to soothe C most of the time. When she was brand new, shushing in her ear worked wonders, but recently I can't seem to be able to sustain it at a volume level that still works. Two days ago we hit the afternoon period when she tends to not want to sleep and to alternate between little fussy noises and all out crying. I put her in our Moby wrap and got out the vacuum cleaner, and she was out within minutes with an added benefit of clean carpets. Yesterday, I decided to try the same trick again and now I have clean carpets AND sucked away all the cobwebs and dust in the corners. Today, when she woke up crying after a very short nap, I helped her calm down and fall back asleep by drying my hair while standing next to her bassinet.

Sometimes though, the only thing that works is laying down to nurse and falling asleep together ... and it just occurred to me that in those times it is God's way of telling me, "no, you didn't really need to get (whatever it was) ....done ... what you really need right now is to rest, beloved daughter." What a very interesting thought... it just might be that in reality, a desire to stay awake because the world is just so interesting even when rest would be best is something that C and I have in common, and God is being a good parent to me just as I am being a mother to C.

Being a new mother, I sometimes feel at a total loss for what to do or what is best for my baby. So, I've solicited and received a lot of advice from other mothers about what kind of routine or style worked for them in raising their young ones. I've also done a lot of research on my own.

The majority of the moms I've spoken with have advocated the methods in the book "On Becoming Baby Wise," while one of my cousins really believes in the advice of Dr. Brazelton, and my Kaiser baby care classes seemed to lean toward the advice of Dr. Sears. Well, I haven't found a method that I want to follow 100%. Babywise and other schedule & sleep training methods seem to rigid and harsh to me, but on the other hand, a full-on commitment to attachment parenting ends up feeling too chaotic to me (that may just be my misguided application of it though?). My cousin gave me her Dr. Brazelton book "Touchpoints" and I do like his gentle "try to work toward a routine/schedule but adjust your approach to what baby tells you she needs and can handle" advice.

I've found that C and I do need a pattern to our day -- a loose order of events, if you will -- but not necessarily a strict schedule or rules to follow. I'm not going to stress if she eats at 7:00, 10:30, 1:00, 3:00, 5:00, 8:00, 11:00 and 3:30 one day and at 6:30, 9:30, 12:00, 2:00, 3:00, 6:00, 9:00, 10:30, and 2:30 the next.

C and I need principles, but I must balance the need for structure with the need for compassion all within the limits of what I can give. I'm not going to stress that I've ruined her for life if on the one hand she needs me to rock her or nurse her to sleep for now, or if on the other I'm in the shower and she wakes up from her nap crying and falls back asleep before I can get out of the shower and comfort her. I'm not going to legalistically follow the advice of any expert but instead prayerfully follow my God-given instincts and the cues C gives me.

And now she's been asleep for 3.5 hours and my milk is letting down and she's starting to stir ...

Yep, all signs tell me that it's time for me to stop writing and get ready to feed my precious baby girl. :) <3

Does God Sometimes Say No to Good Things? Yes!

Does God Sometimes Say No to Good Things? Yes!
This was Pastor John's sermon title at Calvary Chapel Tulare a few Sundays ago, and the same passage of scripture was the subject of this week's womens' Bible study at Tulare Community Church.  Do you think God is trying to tell us something?

The scripture in question is 2 Samuel 7, when David decides that it would be a good idea to build a temple for God.  After all, it doesn't seem right for David to have a spectacular cedar palace while the Ark of the Covenant representing God's presence in the midst of the people resides in a mere tent.  David had a vision and perhaps his heart ran ahead of his head in wanting to make it come true.

Sounds like a good plan.  Except that God had given specific instructions to keep the Ark in a tabernacle (which actually offers some beautiful symbolism, see below), and never requested anything different. 

David at least runs the plan by Nathan, God's prophet and David's advisor.  Nathan hears the plan and immediately says, "Sounds good to me, God has been with you so far so I don't see why he won't bless this too."

Note that Nathan doesn't actually check with God, just guesses what God's answer would be based on past experience of God blessing David.

God sets them straight right away, speaking to Nathan that very night.  "Go tell David I never asked for a temple.  One will be built, but it won't be built by you, that is not your purpose." 

So even though David had a vision to do something great for God, and the vision was clear and maybe even right, God said it wasn't his to complete.  Although he did get to participate in the preparation and gathering of supplies.

Tabernacling With Us
If all the pagan nations surrounding Israel built magnificent temples and shrines to reflect the majesty and power of gods they worshiped, why did God instruct Israel to house the Ark in a humble tent made of animal skins? 

First, there could never be an earthly structure magnificent enough to adequately reflect the glory of He who says that "Heaven is my throne and earth is my footstool." 

Second, I think God wanted to tell us something about who He is and His heart for us.  He doesn't want to be off, immovable, removed and isolated in a distant inaccesible temple.  The tabernacle was mobile, and was always set up in the midst of Israel as they traveled from place to place, reflecting God's desire to be with us, to dwell in our midst, and foreshadowing the incarnation of Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit in believers. 

Today, each believer is His "tabernacle", housing the presence of God in our mobile, mortal skin.  And even today, those with a heart for God sometimes jump the gun and let our hearts run ahead of our heads.  Wisdom calls for us to submit our plans to God and wait on the Lord for confirmation before rushing ahead. 

A Different, Greater Blessing
God doesn't just say no to David and stop there.  He tells David of the blessings in store. "No, you won't build a me a house, but I will build you a house.  I will give you rest from your enemies, your son will build the temple, and your kingdom will last forever."  David saw the first part of the prophecy come true in his lifetime, the second in Solomon's lifetime, and the third is fulfilled in Christ.

David responds with awe and grateful acceptance to God's no.  Not a hint of bitterness or demanding his own way.  Perhaps it was easier for him because God showed him he blessings he would receive instead.  But we too have promises from God that "he will work all things together for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose." 

Just like David had to take God's promises of different blessings on faith, and trust fully in God's sovereignty, so do we.  When God says no to one of our good ideas, He doesn't always spell out for us what we will be doing instead or where it will lead, but we know he has only the best in store for us.

Examples from My Life
A few years after DH and I got married, before C came along, we had a vision to commit ourselves to a year of volunteer ministry.  We researched all the options, but doors closed and it became clear that even though it was a noble idea, it wasn't God's plan for us at that point in our lives. 

Of late, the call is to add to our family.  Whether through a live birth or adoption or foster care, I don't know yet.  This is a good desire.  Children are blessing, and ministry to orphans is described by James as pure and faultless religion.

But just because it is good doesn't give me a right to it or mean it is God's plan for me.  The clear answer right now is to wait.  After our loss in October, we are still trying to conceive again.  I started researching adoption/foster care and found that to start the process we need a stable source of income.  Right now DH only has a temporary job and has otherwise been out of work for almost a year, and the insurance agency he is working to start is growing but too slowly to count as a source of income. 

We are waiting on God for the answer.

I know and trust that whatever it is, whether both doors eventually open, only one does, or they both stay firmly shut, he has a purpose for us, and the blessings to be found on the path he puts us on will be far beyond whatever I could imagine.

In the meantime, like David stockpiling supplies for the temple, I will do what I can to advocate for children and support ministry to orphans.