Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Grace is for Mamas too

This week I've not been exactly the mama I want to be. I've been impatient. I've been on edge. I've spent too much time on the computer.

My little Pookaloo is teething bottom molars and at least one incisor. She's whiny. She's clingy. She's a velcro toddler one minute and angry that I didn't let her do it herself or give her enough space the next.

In short, my dear daughter has driven me crazy this week.

I lost it one day while putting her down for a nap. It had been a day full of grabbing, pulling, climbing on me, a day when I was feeling touched out and at the end of my mommy rope. She arched her back and kicked her way through a diaper change, and it was just enough to trigger an unexpected rage from me.

I finished the change, grabbed her (a little more roughly than necessary), and ungraciously plopped her on the bed. I heard someone screaming, "Why can't you just STOP IT!"

Then I realized that someone was me.

The thought of hurting my child actually sounded appealing in that moment.

I knew I needed to back away and cool off. I quickly exited her room and shut the door behind me, and walked outside to the porch.

I took deep breaths. I prayed. I regained control. I went back in the house.

Pookaloo was hysterical behind the door, but I was still feeling touched out and at my limit of offering physical comfort. I didn't want to go back in there. I reached my hand under the door and held her hand, and she calmed down. I stayed with her talking softly until she fell asleep.

Not my proudest parenting moment. I share it to let you know and important truth:

Grace is for mamas too.

I apologized to Pookaloo. She forgave me with a hug, and more importantly, so does God.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing this...this is me all too often. :*o(


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