If I hadn't lost my baby in October, perhaps I would be giving birth soon. My due date was June 25.
We've been trying to conceive again since then but to no avail.
After a few weeks and months, the intense grief of the initial loss subsided into a background hum, sometimes easy to ignore.
The discipline of grief is balancing the need to go on with the life with the need to acknowledge the loss.
This week, the background hum has become distracting, a rising tide of sound demanding attention.
I should be having a baby soon.
Instead, we're still watching and wondering when we will be blessed again.
And yet I know that when (or if?) we are, that won't change how much I miss Audrey Hope and wish I could hold her.