Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The disciplines of a healthy marriage

God has blessed me above and beyond what I could hope or imagine (see Ephesians 3:20) in many ways, but especially with the gift of my husband (here after referred to as DH).

He is a strong, gentle, romantic, hard working, loyal, loving man after God's own heart. He has a heart for serving others. As the old song says, we work with each other side by side, and we walk with each other hand in hand through this life.

I would say our marriage is basically strong, but we are going through a lot right now. DH lost his job about 6 weeks ago. He's been on three interviews, and we are still waiting to hear back on two of them. The one he has heard back from is an opportunity to be an insurance agent, which while a great opportunity and something he has longed to do, is scary because it means stepping out in faith to the unknown: building a business from scratch and living on commission.

A related issue that adds extra stress is the need to move. We can no longer afford our condo, and we would like to relocate somewhere closer to DH's family a few hours north of where we are now. We have listed our home for sale. We are working hard to get it ready to show, which is certainly a challenge with a toddler who either wants to get into everything or needs to be held! We have gotten calls and letters from our lender regarding our missed payment and that isn't much fun either.

If we go the route of insurance agency, which it is looking more and more like the longer we don't hear back from the other two interviews, we'll have to move in with family, either DH's parents or his bachelor youngest brother who happens to have a 3BR house. While I'm willing to do that for the greater good, I'm also not exactly looking forward to being a long-term guest in someone's home.

The eczema issue with Pookaloo has been stressful too. It's hard to see her like that, and it also can be draining and frustrating to deal with her extra fussiness/neediness and tantrums. We've also disagreed a bit about what approach to take to treatment.

As a result of all this, there have been a few more fights than usual. We're both dealing with the stress in our own ways and since we are both introverts, that means we're connecting a little less right now.

I'm finding that now more than ever it is important to be intentional and disciplined, if you will, about the things that have made our marriage great and will keep it healthy.

  • Communication and honest sharing of feelings
  • Humble hearts that are slow to anger, quick to apologize and quick to forgive
  • Words of affirmation
  • Small kindnesses
  • Kisses, hugs, hand holding, just sitting together
  • Turning away from the TV and computer and toward each other
  • Taking walks together
  • Laughter
  • Sex

1 comment:

  1. I have just found your blog and have enjoyed reading.

    Sorry things are tough at the moment, but it's great that you obviously have a fab husband!


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