Sunday, May 27, 2012

Waiting: Hopefully Expectant or Anxiously Fearful--?

I'm 38 weeks pregnant today.

C was born a little before her due date (11 days early according to the CNM's dates, but probably more like a week based on when I estimate I ovulated).  Active labor started with my water breaking and she was born about 6 hours later at the hospital after about 30 minutes of pushing.
This time around we're planning a home birth, and my midwife lives about 45 minutes away.  The past few days I've been over-anxiously monitoring my body for any sign of impending labor, worried that this labor will be even faster and that I might miss my body's signals and end up without enough time for the midwife to get here.

On the other hand, I'd really like for this baby to stay in a little longer, not only because I believe it's generally better in terms of brain, nerve and lung development for babies to gestate as long as possible, but also because my mom won't be able to come up and visit until June 2 due to extenuating circumstances, and I'd like her to be able to meet her grandson as soon as possible after his birth (and also be a help to me as I recover!)

Last night I woke up feeling shaky and nauseous, with lots of cramping and pressure in my abdomen and pelvis.  I couldn't tell if the pressure was contractions, needing to go to the bathroom, simple anxiety or all three.  To hopefully find out, I made myself a cup of hot tea, forced myself to slow down and deepen my breathing.  The pressure dissipated, and I eventually relaxed back into sleep.

As of this writing, baby boy is still tucked safely inside.

One of the Jesus Calling devotionals this week talked about releasing anxiety.  And the sermon this morning in church talked about surrendering to God's sovereignty and timing.

Hello, message received.

When we sang "I Surrender All" at the end of the service this morning, I closed my eyes and opened my hands to God, releasing any idea that I have control over the timing or circumstances of this baby's arrival.  God has a perfect plan, and I can trust Him to reveal it as I need to know.  

Now instead of fearful anxiety, I feel hopefully expectant.  I'm ready to meet my son whenever God decides it is time!

1 comment:

  1. I am close to being hopefully expectant. It's a process. I'm 32.5 weeks.


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