Once this summary is out of the way, my plan is to start posting again the little musings I have about the intersection between my relationship with God as grace-giving Father and how I live as His daughter, especially in the context of parenting and homemaking.
So, in no particular order:
In the early spring, my almost six-year-old daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, mild gross motor delays and mild sensory quirks that aren't severe enough to require professional occupational therapy. We started her on Ritalin, 5mg once per day and it helped her tremendously with focus on her school work and helping her be a more flexible resilient participant in social situations.
On Good Friday, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. A week later I was readmitted to the hospital with double pneumonia and congestive heart failure. I stayed in the hospital three days. Recovery was slow and nearly four months later I'm only now getting to the point where my energy levels feel back to normal for me. I was blessed to have two mother's helpers come a few times a week in May, and with amazing support from my church family and MOPS friends. My underlying heart condition is a little more serious than I previously thought and not only am I recommended not to have more pregnancies, but I may need to have a pacemaker or defibrillator implanted eventually.
I finally started on anti-depressants. I'm currently taking 50 mg of Zoloft which has made a world of difference. I like my husband and children again instead of constantly feeling a low level of irritation and resentment toward them. My brain's executive functions have returned and I have ideas and can carry them out. I feel like writing again. I feel comfortable at home instead of restless and wanting to escape through the internet or too many activities in the community. I don't overanalyze every social encounter and can just relax and enjoy the company of people around me. My spiritual life has reawakened too, no longer feeling flat and cold and distant.
In October, we moved to a new house in town and almost a year later as I heal and regain strength and energy and as my depression, anxiety and ADHD symptoms gradually lift, I've really started to enjoy and improve in my role as homemaker. I've been able to reorganize things, start routines and set up systems that make our family life run more smoothly and keep the house at a level of tidiness and cleanliness that is comfortable for living and conducive to fun and creativity
I feel like each of these areas could spawn many detailed posts of their own, and perhaps that is a good challenge for me. This fall, I will blog at least once per week (oftener if inspiration strikes), delving into a specific aspect or thought triggered by reading through this summary.
When I was depressed early in my married life, one of the internal messages I had to overcome was that I had nothing to say. I overcame that by beginning to post blogs on Myspace and eventually by starting this blog. Then there were periods when my brain fog and exhaustion made impossible to turn the swirling grey into black and white words.
Life has rhythms and cycles. A pearl in an oyster is formed not all at once, but layer by layer. One season of growth in my life is ending and another beginning. The previous season was inward and quiet, but this one is bursting out to be shared. Isaiah 43:18-19 seems very appropriate:
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands." (The Message)
God is doing something new in me, in my family, in my community and in the world.