During my consultation with Dr. Weisshaar on Monday we speculated together about how long I've had my cardiomyopathy, how long my heart has been beating inefficiently, how long I've actually been in heart failure.
It's genetic, so I was born with the potential for it.
It's generally something that develops in puberty. I've never been athletic. When I was in junior high, I was assigned to represent our school in the 800 meter race, and came in dead last and felt completely wiped out at the end. I just thought I was a wimp who was out of shape. Did the thickening and stiffening in my heart muscle begin that early?
I can remember specific episodes my senior year in high school and my junior year in college where I climbed a steep slope and had trouble keeping up with my group and felt like I may pass out once I reached the top. Again I blamed it on being out of shape. Was I already in some degree of heart failure then?
Shortly after I got married, Adam and I trained together to run the 10K Mud Run at Camp Pendleton. I had trouble sustaining a jog and didn't build up tolerance the way I thought I should according to the training program. I spoke to my doctor about it. He listened to my heart, mentioned I might have a murmur or mitral valve prolapse, and said I probably had exercise-induced asthma. (But didn't test my pulmonary function to confirm). I completed the Mud Run, even ran portions as I felt able, but was the last to finish in my age group.
The summer after Charlotte was born, I joined Team in Training and prepared for a half-marathon. I fully intended to run it, sure I could do it if I just trained properly and pushed myself. But once again I had trouble sustaining a jog. I decided to switch to fast walking, and became good friends with a wonderful woman who matched my pace (Hi Pat!). I completed the half marathon in pretty decent time.
Once the cardiomyopathy was identified the next year, the cardiologist advised me to avoid doing aerobic activity any more strenuous than fast walking. It was somewhat affirming to know that I hadn't just given up too easily in my attempts to run rather than quickly walk the 10K or half marathon.
In the four years that followed my diagnosis in 2010, I've been getting gradually worse. I was reading up on conditions that can exacerbate heart failure. They include infection, taking NSAIDS, consuming caffeine or using other stimulants, and eating high sodium meals. In the past four years, I've had two babies. Each time I took high doses of ibuprofen after childbirth to control pain. In the summer before I got pregnant with Elliott, I had pneumonia, and I had bronchitis several times in that time period also. Although my first cardiologist advised avoiding caffeine, I thought it was just to prevent annoying palpitations, and while I adhered to it strictly at first, over the years I began to make more and more exceptions until I was drinking a cup of caffeinated coffee at least once a week and sometimes three times per week. Because I thought my breathing problems were caused by asthma, I inhaled albuterol, which is a stimulant, as prescribed.
I suppose it's no wonder that I got worse.
I'm not really playing the "if only" game. It is what it is. I didn't know, and I did the best to take care of my body with the knowledge I had at the time.
It's helpful to look back at the past this way to make a coherent narrative of my life. It's helpful to see that all the times I thought I was lazy or a quitter because I had to stop or couldn't do something, I was really very strong because I was fighting so hard to be normal.
One last thought on the subject of items that exacerbate heart failure: The other thing heart failure patients are advised is to avoid getting pregnant. The extra blood volume places further strain on the heart.
I was told not to get pregnant again after I was hospitalized with heart failure and pneumonia in April. I've been terrified of the possibility ever since.
If I knew sooner the true extent of my condition, I may not have my three beautiful precious children, and certainly not my two boys.
No comments:
Post a Comment
I welcome your comments and will publish and reply to them as soon as I am able in the midst of a busy mom schedule! Abusive, trolling or spam comments will not be published.