Heart Failure to Transplant: My Heart is His

The heart condition I mentioned in There is too much to 'splain... took a bit of a turn for the worse in September, and I grappled with coming to terms with the full extent of my diagnosis.  I posted details of that at my new CaringBridge site.

This morning I woke up early and felt drawn to look at my copy of Jesus Calling, and as it often does, today's entry hit me right where I am, especially this portion:

Instead of regretting or resenting the way things are, thank Me in all circumstances. Trust Me and don't be fearful; thank Me and rest in My sovereignty.

At the bottom of the entry are three Bible verses, including 1 Peter 5:6-7.  I got out my Bible and a notebook that was handy.

I opened the notebook and found some journal entries and notes from 2011 when I was pregnant with Zachary, and rediscovered a structure for quiet time that had been taught to me by Kenton Beshore, the senior pastor at Mariners Church. 

It uses 3 four-letter acronyms: PERS, SOAP and ACTS.

I am a PERSon... how am I doing?
Physically?
Emotionally?
Relationally?
Spiritually?

I answered each of those questions, thinking mainly about yesterday and this morning, and identified that although I had a good day physically, some anxiety, loneliness and self-pity had crept in, as well as disconnection in my relationships.

Then I turned to the cleansing SOAP of God's word:
Scripture
Observation
Application
Prayer

For the Scripture I wanted to use 1 Peter 5:7, cast all your anxiety on the Lord, but I "accidentally" turned to 1 Peter 1:5-6:

This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, ⁵ who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. ⁶ In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.

For the Observation portion, I just restated the Scripture in my own words, and wrote about how in general it related to the Jesus Calling message to be thankful and trust in all circumstances.

For the Application, I made the observations more personal, reflecting on what I specifically needed to do in light of that...namely, to thank God for my heart condition.

For the Prayer, I chose to follow the ACTS model:
Adoration
Confession
Thanks
Supplication

I praised Jesus as Lord of All and the Healer, I confessed my self-absorption and fear.  Then I did the hard, strange part and thanked Him for my cardiomyopathy, for my heart failure, for my difficulty breathing.  What is there to be thankful for about that? 

It makes the truth that God gives me breath and life very real and immediate.  It presses me to trust and depend on Him more than ever.  It limits my ability to do everything I want to do so I need to seek Him more for wisdom and discernment about what He would have me be doing.  Not only do I feel the need of my Savior all the more, but having been forced to slow down because of my condition, I have time and space in my life to respond to his invitations to seek Him. 

After writing out those praises, confessions and thanks, the Supplications I made were quite different than what I would have said had I started my prayer with a request. 

I'm thankful that God woke me up early this morning to spend that time with Him, that He reminded me of PERS, SOAP and ACTS.  I share it because I hope it might be useful for your own quiet times with Father, Son and Spirit.

Faithful in the Small Things

In the women's Bible study we are going through the life of David.  Recently the topic was David's sins of lust and adultery with Bathsheba and murder of Bathsheba's husband Uriah. 

THE STORY
The interesting thing about David's sin is that it all started when he wasn't where he should have been.  Instead of going out to battle with his men, he decided to stay home.  Such a little thing.  No harm in taking a break every once in a while, but then again, there is a time for everything. 

Then he took an afternoon nap on his roof and when he woke up, caught the glimpse of Bathsheba he wasn't meant to have.  He then made a choice to prolong the look or continue to keep it in his minds' eye.  Such little things.  One look, one thought, one fantasy ... no big deal, right?

Except he kept thinking about her, and decided he had to know who she was.

Even when he was told she was married to Uriah, one of his most loyal men, he disregarded that information and ordered her to be brought to him.  He slept with her, and when they found out she was pregnant, he tried to cover up by bringing Uriah home from the battle.  When Uriah's sense of duty kept at the palace and away from his wife, David got him drunk and tried again.  When that didn't work, David sent him on his way with orders to his commander to send Uriah and others on an unnecessarily dangerous mission, one that meant almost certain death for the whole squad.  

How different things might have been if David had only gone to battle!  Or, if he had chosen to avert his eyes and put the image of Bathsheba out of his mind the moment he accidentally saw her.  Temptation to sin is best avoided all together.  If it is unavoidable or one simply hasn't effectively avoided it in a given instance, the next best thing is to "flee" either literally or mentally.  

APPLICATION
Likewise for me.  How often does a simple decision to put something off, to procrastinate, to rest a little now, lead to unneded stress later, stress that causes me to become irritable and feel annoyed with or resentful of my husband and daughter?  

And once the irritation is upon me, it really is up to me to choose what to do with those thoughts and feelings.  I can either fan the spark of irritation until it becomes anger and rage and unkind words and actions, or I can stamp out the spark as soon as I see it and replace it with the loving kind and gentle thoughts words and actions.

My choice to be faithful to the small things I have to do blesses my family and myself.  This simple idea of being faithful in the small things has energized me this week and given me courage to tackle some tasks that sometimes seem overwhelming.

OTHER EXAMPLES
"Daily" "Quiet" Time with God
I don't want to be legalistic about this but a concentrated time of reflection has been missing from my life and I decided to add it back in.  It isn't exactly daily. Thursday and Friday last week and today I've done this over breakfast, but I missed Saturday and Sunday when I was out of town visiting family.  It isn't exactly quiet. C sits next to me and chatters while she eats her breakfast, and I am frequently interrupted.  But I've been using lack of consistency and inability to have true quiet as excuses long enough.  I will choose to be faithful to this small thing, one day at a time. 

I've been using a method I learned at Mariners Church -- journaling about yesterday, asking God to reveal insights, then reading a portion of Scripture and looking for one thing I can apply that day, then writing out a prayer using the ACTS acronym. 

Housework
Doing things as I see they need to be done versus putting them off until later is the big thing here.  Reminding myself when it feels like a chore that it is a way to bless my family. 

Diet
Keeping strictly to the dairy free diet that C and I require, and not giving in to temptation to cheat "just this once" as a treat.  Starting a gluten free diet that I'm hoping will help me with some IBS-like symptoms and general fatigue and brain fog (Today is day 1 ... planning to evaluate after 30 days).

Thoughts on Proverbs 12:27 and Jeremiah 29

I'm going to use two examples to illustrate an unstructured and more structured way to study/examine a passage of Scripture. The unstructured method is basically a stream of consciousness response. The second method uses three questions:

What does this say? What does this mean to me? What is my response to God?

Unstructured Response Example
The first passage is Proverbs 12:27:

"A lazy man does not roast his prey, but the precious possession of a man is diligence."

My Thoughts
If the man is lazy, how did he get the prey unless God graciously led him to it or plopped it in front of him? Or was the hunt the fun part and cooking the tiresome part? If you only do what is fun and skip the responsibility and don't follow through, then you'll be left hungry and unsatisfied and plus you'll have some rotten meat that might stink and attract scavengers and vermin.

Or, perhaps he did cook the prey but too quickly. Roasting yields the most flavorful and tender way to cook meat. Maybe he made God's gift less desirable and/or gave himself extra work by not waiting for God's timing. Shortcuts aren't really short.

Is this a good extended analogy for the consequences of disobedience/incomplete obedience in my life? Of unconscious living? Of inertia and do-nothingism? Of rushing ahead of God and looking for quick fixes?

Example of the Three Questions Method
I recommend that you read Jeremiah 29 in its entirety. The most well known verse from this passage is 29:11:

"... For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans
to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

What does it say?

You will wait a long time for God's next move, so settle in and put down roots where you are. Get involved in your community while you wait. Beware of false prophets who say only what youw ant to hear. Consequences for false prophets are serious.

Even in the midst of chastening, God still loves me and has a beneficial plan for my life, and he longs for me to seek time with him.

What does this mean to me?

Don't wait for the next phase of life for obedience or to live an abundant life. We may want to someday move out of Southern California and closer to Papabear's family, but this condo ties us here for now. We don't know how long God has us here, so we should make the most of the time we do have in this community and in Southern California. Wait on the Lord and don't rush toward quick fixes, easy answers or feel-good messages. God can use and is using this situation for our long-term good. No matter my circumstances, God is always available for a relationship with me.

Response to God

God, please show me ways I can seek the welfare of the communities I am currently in. Thank you for your plan and grant us patience to watch it unfold and act only when you call.